Posted in Uncategorized at 5:43 pm by rachel

This is going to be a quiet weekend. Last night was late and tearful; tonight is going to end early, and I’m going to sleep in tomorrow. Have felt ill all day, just worn out, which is what has been getting to me, I think.

Anyway, I’m feeling a lot less blue than yesterday. The weekend looms ahead, free of obligation and activity. I may rouse myself and go to see a film, but it’s lovely to have no plans.

Head is still splitting though. Oh well, I’m doing a good job at work, and I can stop thinking about it for a couple of days, starting now.

Over and out.


feeling blue… having a whinge.

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:41 pm by rachel

It’s all getting a bit much for me. The last two days have been like being a trampoline, bouncing from one issue to the other. And I’ve been running on adrenaline and reacting, explaining, lobbying, balancing… it’s catching up on me, and I’m tired now. I don’t want to make mistakes; I feel like there is so much riding on work at the moment, so much at stake. I feel like I’m on my own and making decisions which may or may not be successful. I feel like I’m going to get undeserved flack because I’m making the best of things without guidance, and I’ll probably hear about it when my manager returns from her month-long holiday.

It’s the last chance to try to get abortion extended to Northern Ireland. If we don’t win this, I doubt it will happen for a generation, perhaps not even then. And my job is made harder when the MPs I’m depending on are in different parties and aren’t communicating with each other. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope trying to keep people informed and onside. And overarching everything is a feeling of transience, that any gains we do achieve will be rolled back by the Tories or the DUP, just a few months or years down the line…

I have an idea in my head about getting into the countryside, getting some silence and not thinking about work for a little while – remembering what it is I care about and what I’m interested in, as right now I’m just consumed with all things abortion. I need to do something else, learn something else, get some different experiences. Three years at fpa, and I want to change, and work out what I believe again – I feel like I am only paying attention to the bits of the news which apply to work, and trotting out the standard lines on automatic pilot, almost. I don’t think anyone’s noticed – I got told today by my CEO that I’m doing a fantastic job, and I probably am. The arguments are coming easily, the evidence is there, we’re right, but because the Government are in such a difficult position, they aren’t listening. Worse, they’re actually opposing what we want. What hope is there when the Labour Party, committed to women’s rights, won’t stand up for women in Northern Ireland? No one else will.

And then, sad TV to make me feel worse. I don’t watch House, normally, but I saw ten minutes of it and it was tragic. And I’m having some wine and not feeling great about life.

I want a break.



things I like

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:57 pm by rachel

Because it’s late, and I can’t be bothered to construct beautiful sentences, you are getting a list:

– cycling over Blackfriars Bridge, north to south, on my way home from work. The sun is shining. Ideally, I’d be listening to Basement Jaxx, but have stopped doing that recently – health ‘n’ safety…

– Elderflower fizz, which is luscious and a mere £2.99 from M&S.

– planning holidays.

– writing to MPs / councillors. Not as part of my JOB, as part of my civic dutifulness. There is part of me that wants to be a gadfly on the neck of a politician.

– getting nice responses from those lovely elected representatives 🙂

– the Prince Charles Cinema. 

– dancing around my living room with Burly

– food and drink and friends and family and life’s good pleasures.

– Shallowly, shopping. Online, on Oxford Street, whatever. 

– Saturday morning with the Guardian and a cup of coffee.

– Ironmonger Row Turkish Baths.

– planning short stories. Once upon a time…

– Jon Snow, his ties, and channel 4 news generally.

– the members’ bar in Tate Modern.

– Non-stressed airport time, all checked in and some place to go.

– Dressing up for work when I’ve got an important meeting.

– chilli in chocolate.

– The feeling when I’ve climbed the mountain (slightly agnostic about the process).

– belly dancing to Shakira.


– Borough Market, then a picnic by the Thames.

– my iPod touch.

– Lying in the tent listening to the rain, and feeling cosy in my sleeping bag. 

– Cooking.

– clean sheets. Mmmmm.

– reading the Daily Mail, and then getting pissed off about it.

– London. Love it.

– The collected works of Leslie Feist.

– A pub quiz with friends, preferably friends whose specialist knowledge includes sport.

– Beconase, especially at the moment.

– Signing petitions. Not indiscriminately, just worthy causes.

– Amelie Poulain.

– Working out which song on my iPod I could best sing in a karaoke bar.

– Lying in bed at the weekend. Not all day, just later than usual.

– wimmin’s issues. An all-embracing interest, I don’t get bored.

– Reading, generally with a glass of wine (or elderflower fizz) within reach.

– Burly. Being with Burly is lovely.


I may think of some more and add to this list.